Look at me. Here I sit at this whole cool-ass computer thing, a universe in a grain of sand, plastic and wires and silicon and…. I am attempting something I’ve never done before; ‘diary-keeping.’ Inspired by my friend Tom C., I’ve decided to keep my own diary of a … not social outcast, since I am responsible for the FreshFriends™. But I like to write, and people like to read my stuff, so we can perhaps work something out.

I’d like to start my diary out on a positive note: yes, sirs and madams, I am in love. Much to the deep annoyance of the object of my affections, she actually has to deal with someone who has more than just a schoolboy crush on her. What’s the problem? No, it’s not that she doesn’t like me; once you get past the annoyance, I’m quite a nice guy, I’m told. I just have no self-esteem, self-image; that sort of thing. And neither does she. She seems to think that she’s not worth it. (She knows just what to say to get me to love her more.) As my friend Joe once said, “you’ve got a thing for needy chicks, don’t you?” Yes, I think I do. I’d like to believe that this is more than that, however. She really is great, and I’m going to keep telling her so till it sinks into her pretty little head, and then some.

Digression: Guys and Chicks
I’d like to interject here, since I’ve already been chastised by old friends and internet pals for using the word ‘chick’ in everyday speech, as it doesn’t refer to small fowl. Yes, we refer to any random girl we don’t know as a chick. It is equivalent with guy, except guy is kind of derogatory, and chick is not. I personally love all women (not the way Tom loves anything with two X chromosomes— he said it, not me!) unless they turn out to be real bitches. Mean to me, or incredibly shallow. Then they are no better than ‘guys.’

Guys are peculiar animals. They are commonly mistaken for men. Such as when a woman (or chick) says, “Men, what use are they; they stink,” whatever, they are actually talking about guys. Men are rare, even I myself am not a man (yes, I know, I’m 17, but mature for my age). I have been told that on no terms, certain or otherwise, am I a guy. So I came up with a subclass: ‘fellow.’ So, to use our new vocabulary in a sentence: “There goes Nat. He’s a nice fellow.”
Nice enough to make a great friend. Chicks do not date friends, because they don’t want to spoil the friendship. Bullsh*t.

Subdigression: Just Friends- the dread JF
Chicks, girls, whoever, often prefer to date assholes (Chicks dig assholes; rule no. 1 of dating). Any guy who demonstrates compassion and or sensitivity makes a great friend. Friends, no matter how great they are, are incredible fragile. They can’t survive any sort of … of… well, I wouldn’t even know what comes after friendship, because I make such a great friend. There is no evidence that any friendship has resulted in a successful relationship, but don’t tell women that it’s because they’re too damn scared to try…. Yes, I know, guys can do it, too. Just ask my good friend Tanya.

To quote Snoop Dog and Dr. Dre: “But, uh, back to the lecture at hand”: Guys and Chicks
“Chicks dig assholes” – yes, I remember. Guys are not all assholes, like Joe, who introduced me to the ogle and the rating scale. Those two are essential to the guy, or any male actively looking for a beautiful girl to have and to hold, at least for a little while. Joe is by no means a playah (not playa, playa is Spanish for beach, take it from me, I’ll be Cornell’s first professor of Ebonics), or a skeezy guy, he just knows what he likes to look at. And he is quite the gentleman, and even sensitive (he’s a great friend, too). But then there are assholes. The guys that treat women like dirt, or like Kleenex (GREAT Madeline Kahn quote: “Men should be like Kleenex: strong, soft, and disposable”). Women are too great a treasure to be wasted, or to be made to feel inferior, just because your ego is the size of a pea, you jerk! Get your hands off her or I’ll— sorry, flashback!

Anyhow, I’d like to open this thing up right now, as a launch point for two-way communication. You can e-mail me with your comments or whatever, and I’ll take it all in and even reply to you! Plus, if you want to see my other journal-type stuff, namely my fiction, poetry, and stream of consciousness writing, speak up, and I’ll post them!

See you in the e-,
N@